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The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.
More than 10,000 stories and jokes, limericks and one-liners, put-downs and puns in the ultimate, most comprehensive compendium of humor ever compiled. From boners and groaners to classic shaggy-dog stories and jokes for roasts and toasts, virtually every form of verbal humor on a whole raft of topics is represented in this not totally politically correct but always devilishly diverting collection of ticklers and howlers for any occasion. Humorous quotations, epigrams and epitaphs, newspaper misprints, misleading headlines ("MAGISTRATES MAY ACT ON INDECENT SHOWS"), limericks, puns, and the darnedest things said by kids ("a fjord is a Scandinavian car") also appear among the volume's ten thou...
A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'
The graphic, first-hand story of the first voyage and disastrous sinking of RMS Titanic - told by the survivors themselves. The story of the sinking of the great liner, Titanic, has been told countless times since that fateful night on 14th April 1912 by historians, novelists and film producers alike, but no account is as graphic or revealing as those who were actually there. Through survivors' tales, and contemporary newspaper reports from both sides of the Atlantic, here are eye-witness accounts full of details that range from poignant to humorous, stage by stage from the Liner's glorious launch in Belfast to the sombre sea burial services of those who perished on her first and only voyage. In the book, the voices of the survivors record their own stories, as well as the official records, press reports and investigations into what went wrong that night.
In New Year, Same You you'll find lots of laugh-out-loud humour to brighten your day (or not). Filled with words from the wise, this is the perfect book for grumps everywhere.
Never be stuck for a wicked line again! - the ultimate collection of insults Here is the biggest and best ever collection of insults and sharp retorts for when you just wish you could have thought of something faster. Editor Geoff Tibballs presents more than 5,000 come-backs, put-downs, snaps, insults, unadmiring quips and quotes, for every occasion. From the most elegant of studied insults to the wickedest of putdowns, from the language of the street to the literary, political, and entertainment worlds, from playground insults to sports, family and marriage jibes - here is every possible barb you could ever need, guaranteed to crack up all those around you. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Your mother's so fat, she has her own area code. Are your parents siblings? Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice. Is there no beginning to your talents? You'd be out of your depth in a puddle. Don't you need a licence to be that ugly? I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my arse. I'd love to go out with you but I have to worm my dog.
The classic pocket guide to the language of London. This wonderful little guide to cockney rhyming slang contains over 1,700 old and new rhymes translated from Cockney to English and English to Cockney, including: Custard and jelly - telly Hot cross bun - nun Lemon tart - smart Rock ānā roll - dole Sticky toffee - coffee ...and many more. Master the art of the Cockney rhyme and discover the Cockney origins of common British phrases.
A brilliant collection of insults and sharp retorts for every situation. Includes studied insults, wry putdowns, literary, political, and dramatic rebukes, playground insults, barbs and jibes. The perfect resource for responding to life's slings and arrows with humour and satisfying venom.
Featuring laugh out loud remarks from coffee shops and supermarkets to bars and bookshops, The Customer's Always Wrong illustrates just how silly people can be.
"I want to build a team that's invincible, so they'll have to send a team from Mars to beat us." Bill ShanklyLiverpool's place in English football's hierarchy is recognized around the world and almost every high-profile star on the move gets linked with the Anfield club. From Alan Hansen and Graeme Souness through to Michael Owen, Robbie Fowler, Jamie Redknapp, and Steven Gerrard, few clubs can boast as many people with so much to say for themselvesespecially in the case of ex-manager Bill Shankly, football's most quoted man. All can be found here, in this wonderfully compact fan fantasy!