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Normal Sheeple
'FUNNIEST YET!' IRISH EXAMINER A love affair born in rural Ireland! Two mismatched lovers, locked in a relationship that will change both of them . . . forever! Ross O'Carroll-Kelly was brought up to believe that Gaelic games were invented for people too stupid to understand the laws of rugby. Little did he know that one day he would become a legend of Kerry football. But then, his life has taken a lot of unexpected twists and turns. His father is the Taoiseach of the country. His wife is an actual Government Minister. And his suddenly teenage daughter is heading for the Gaeltacht - and her very first rugby boyfriend. And then there's Marianne . . . Of course, Ross was too busy becoming a Gaelic football star to realise that his family - like the entire country - was being pushed towards a cliff edge. And he was the only man capable of saving Ireland's democracy. Which is just like, 'Fooooooock!' __________________________ 'I hope this series runs for decades' BELFAST TELEGRAPH 'Ross is a national institution' IRISH TIMES
Should Have Got Off at Sydney Parade
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly thought he knew all he needed to about women's bodies ... So there I was, roysh, in a state of basically very blissful ignorance, when suddenly Sorcha's up the Damien and I have to listen to, like, women's stuff. And now he's getting a biology lesson he could have SO lived without ... I am telling you, roysh, I never even knew nipples could crack and I was very happy not knowing it. I mean, all I knew about the whole scenario was six seconds of seriously good loving, and now I'm basically expected to be an expert on how to, like, breathe like Dorth Vader and deal with baby turds. Sometimes, life just isn't fair to the babe magnet supremo ... This is SO not good for my rep - but do you think Sorcha even, like, cares about that? Not focking likely!
Rhino What You Did Last Summer
Fame. Fortune. Screaming girls. The adoration of strangers. I've had it all before, yet nothing could have prepared this Horny Little Devil for his new life in the City of Angels. Sacked as the coach of the Andorra rugby team and on the run from the sister I never knew I had, I decided to head west, vowing to win back my wife and daughter from a risk assessor predicting economic doom for the world. Imagine my shock when I discovered that my old dear, on a nationwide book tour, was already busy charming America out of its collective elasticated pants. With Trevion, a 1991 Gulf War-veteran-turned-celebrity-Svengali, on my side, not to mention my brand new bromance with a gym instructor called Harvey, I was determined to become more famous than even her. But one nose job and one abdominal resculpt later, I no longer knew where reality ended and reality TV began ...
Braywatch
South Dublin's favourite son thought he could face any challenge - until he was asked to cross the bridge over the River Dargle. For Ross O'Carroll-Kelly - schools rugby hero, celebrated bon vivant and lover of beautiful women - life has suddenly become complicated. His father has been accused of rigging a General Election, his seventy-year-old mother is about to bring six surrogate babies into the world, and his daughter is being hailed as 'Ireland's answer to Greta Thunberg', telling everyone who cares to listen that the end of the world is nigh. As if that wasn't bad enough, the Greatest Rugby Player Never to Play for Ireland has a nagging sense that he has to more to contribute to the be...
South Dublin - How to Get by On, Like, 10,000 Euro a Day
The incomparable, irredeemable Ross O'Carroll-Kelly gives the ultimate low-down on the centre of the universe, South Dublin - a land of untold beauty and wealth, which boasts more yacht clubs per head of population than Monte Carlo, where girls talk like Californians, where rugby is the number one religion and where it's possible to buy a Cappuccino - at Champs Elysee's prices. The Ross Guide to South Dublin contains all you need to know about this extraordinary region, where it'll be soon be too expensive for anyone to live.
Schmidt Happens
'One of the funniest writers in the land ... Schmidt Happens will be lapped up by fans' Irish Independent I've had some pretty bad New Year's Eves in my life. But this one was officially... The! Worst! Ever! My wife had just given birth to a baby that wasn't mine. My son had just walked out on his bride-to-be on the eve of their wedding. And my old dear was making threats of revenge against me for allowing her to choke on the olive from her breakfast Martini. Throw into the mix three infant sons who were banned from every public park and children's play centre in the city; a father who was working with dodgy Russian business interests to put himself in the Taoiseach's office; and a daughter who was about to do something truly shocking - even by her standards. But then, one day, totally out of the blue, I received a very unexpected phone call... And let's just say that Schmidt got real. 'Ross is a national institution, and his adventures continue to chart the foibles and fortunes of modern-day Dublin with wicked humour and sharp observation' Irish Times 'Hilarious' Woman's Way
Seedless in Seattle
Like the great Jesus Christ himself, I had a lot of shit on my mind when I hit 33 ... I had three new-born future Ireland internationals to feed, a daughter in need of psychiatric evaluation and a teenage son obsessed with uncovering the shameful secrets of our family's 1916 past. Throw into the mix a sister missing in Orgentina, a wife struggling to lose the weight from her orse and an interfering father-in-law living under my roof. You can see why, like the Son of God, my life had become a major hassle. And just when I thought it couldn't get any more difficult, a moment of madness involving - what else? - the opposite sex persuaded Sorcha that I needed to have the unkindest cut of all. Seedless in Seattle is the fifteenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Ross books - annual No 1 best-sellers - have sold over half a million copies, are annually nominated for the Popular Fiction prize at the Irish Book Awards - where they have won the prize an unprecedented three times - and are also critically acclaimed as satirical masterpieces.
Gordon's Game
A rugby-mad boy. A huge game. And a chance for an epic win . . . or an epic fail! Gordon D'Arcy is an ordinary boy, but he's not so ordinary once he gets a rugby ball in his hands. He's the star player for Wexford Wanderers and dreams of one day wearing the Ireland jersey. A dream like that means hard work, raw talent and never losing sight of your goals. But Gordon has a wild streak that often lands him in trouble. Mum and Dad think that if he can just channel his energy, all will be well. Then something utterly mad happens and he gets a chance to live his biggest dream. Can he stay on his game and do everyone proud? Or will trouble follow him . . . like it usually does? Gordon's Game is a funny and inspiring adventure for rugby lovers of all ages! 'A cracking read . . . which will appeal to all the family' Irish Country Magazine
We Need To Talk About Ross
Sportsman. Lover. Bon viviant. Cad. Ross O�Carroll-Kelly is many things to many people. But ten years after he lifted the Leinster Schools Senior Cup, Ireland�s most beloved rogue remains one of its most misunderstood figures. His accomplishments on the rugby field � and in the bedroom � remain the stuff of legend, but the truth about him remains hidden by the accretion of myth. Now, for the first time, the lid is lifted on the enigma that is South Dublin�s most eligible married man. In more than a hundred interviews with his family and friends - those who�ve loved him, hated him and slept with him - the first ever composite portrait of the Celtic Tiger�s most famous cub emerges. From the mother who didn�t want him to the father who wanted him too much, from the friends who shared his misadventures to the women who shared his bed � or, failing that, a back alley or bus shelter � this searingly honest biography fills in all the blanks in the life of the self-styled Cock of Foxrock.
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's Guide to South Dublin
The incomparable, irredeemable Ross O'Carroll-Kelly gives the ultimate lowdown on the centre of the universe, South Dublin. Nestled in between the badlands of north and west Dublin, and the boglands of Wicklow, is a land of untold beauty and wealth, which boasts more yacht clubs per head of population than Monte Carlo, where girls talk like Californians, where rugby is the number one religion and where it's possible to buy a Cappuccino - at Champs Élysées prices. It is a land rich in diversity, where barristers live side-by-side with doctors and dentists, the birthplace of Bob Geldof, the home of Brian O'Driscoll and the site of Dublin's two great third level institutions - UCD and DBS. The Ross Guideto South Dublin contains all you need to know about this extraordinary region, where it'll be soon be too expensive for anyone to live.
